I really didn’t want to go but the thought of being among a 90% male audience was just too good to pass up. I couldn’t help but think I could possibly “meet my soul mate.” I had to go.

 

I was running a little late, big surprise, so, by the time I got there, the VIP room was full.  As I glanced around the room, my eyes narrowed in on one man who would sum up the bulk of the attendees. He was in his mid-40s, a little portly, probably bald and sporting a bright plaid vest. Perched on what was most likely a chrome dome was a miniature green. Yes, cart, hole, flag and all. I think it may have had a little tree too. The second I spotted that, I knew it was time to find the finger food.

 

The few girlfriends already there were busy with clients. The lines at the open bars looked to be at least a 10 minute wait so; I roamed aimlessly waiting for Edie to get there. She’s the only person I know who is ALWAYS later than me.

 

Edie is a little older than I am and when she walks in a room, you’d think she owns the place. I spotted her sashaying through the crowd 20 minutes later. After 5 minutes of mingling, she raced over to me, grabbed my arm and said, “Follow me, you’re going to want to write about this one!”

 

Well, can I just tell you? We darted straight to the ladies room. No lines there. She started to explain the run in her stocking she discovered at work hours earlier. She then proceeded to tell me the process of going to Brooks to buy a new pair and putting them on in her car in the theatre parking lot. Normal so far, I thought.

 

She was dressed in my favorite black cashmere ¾ length designer jacket that she got for a steal at TJ Maxx and a little black dress. She always looks great. I then hear about her walking down the street, jacket unbuttoned, from the parking lot to the show. She ran into one of our on-air personalities and stopped for pictures then searched for her client. While talking to the client she rested her hand on her stomach only to discover a bulkiness that hadn’t been there earlier.

 

As she’s telling me this, my hand went straight to my gaping mouth. Yes, ladies, she did the unimaginable. The hose tuck. Not the typical nightmare in the back. Worse. Front. No panties.

 

Who wears a short dress and neglects to put on panties?????? Unless your name is Britney or Paris, you don’t go commando in a short dress!

 

All I could think was, “Thank God it didn’t happen to me because there would be an out-of-state move in my immediate future.”